


Laughing on the Outside (Crying on the Inside)

by labyrinthof_fan_fiction



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Reader Insert, imagine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24835537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrinthof_fan_fiction/pseuds/labyrinthof_fan_fiction
Summary: You and Bucky had broken up a while ago, but who should you come across at a dance club, the night before he ships off to war?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 17





	Laughing on the Outside (Crying on the Inside)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, me again, with another fic inspired by a song from my Vera Lynn Playlist….. I’m sorry. Should I be considering these Song fics? Does it count if I’m not directly quoting the lyrics through the whole thing….? But I love it. Dinah Shore’s ‘Laughing on the Outside (Crying on the Inside) is our new muse. Recorded in 1946, made it to #3 on the Billboard Charts. Written by Bernie Wayne, Lyrics by Ben Raleigh.
> 
> Warnings: Angst, again. Alcohol consumption
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Bucky, Steve, any of the Marvel Universe. I do not own ‘Laughing on the Outside (Crying on the Inside).’

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was the happiest man on Earth, at least to most of the people who saw him. There were only two people who could see through is mask, his best friend, Steve Rogers and you. But now there was only one, Steve. You had left him, for good reasons too. He was an arrogant prick, at times. And you had called him on it, he snapped. Youleft him, something he never thought would happen. The ring he had stored in the top drawer of his dresser was proof of that. 

To the whole world he was a carefree young man. Dancing and romancing all the women he could find. Each night there was a new dame on his arm. Women wanted to be with him, men wanted to be him, and he just wanted you. Steve had walked in on him holding your picture with tears streaming down his face. It had been months since you walked away. 

“She’s gone, Steve. She’s not coming back.” Bucky muttered. “And I’m still in love with her.” His thumb brushing gently over the cheek of your photo. 

“Buck….” Steve began, but he wasn’t sure how to proceed. He knew Bucky loved you, and he was still confused on why the two of you broke up. Bucky never gave him the specifics. And you had kept your distance from him to the point that he was sure you were avoiding him. 

Bucky wiped the tears from his eyes, placed your photo back into his wallet, and turned to the blonde man in front of him. “How ‘bout we go out tonight?” 

“If you’re sure…” Steve said warily. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’ll be fine.” Bucky answered, running a hand through his short hair. A smile splitting his face, not quite making it to his storm cloud grey eyes. Steve was wondering if the blue would ever return to his best friend eyes. Bucky went through the door first, Steve paused, his eyes falling on the unmistakeable black velvet box on top of Bucky’s dresser. He was frozen for a second, surely, that wasn’t….. He shook his head. Buck would have told him if he was going to propose, wouldn’t he?

He scampered after his dark haired friend, who had already made his way into the street. A suave air surrounded Bucky, but Steve could feel the falsity of it. Even when Bucky ended the night with a girl wrapped in his arms, smile on his face as he walked her home, Steve trailing behind with the girl’s reluctant friend. When they bid the girls goodnight Steve could feel the shift in his friend. The carefree attitude melted away and he was left with a sulky Bucky. 

More months passed and Bucky was out with a new woman each day and night. Sometimes there were even more than one on his arm. Steve was concerned for his friend. While the rest of the world saw him having the time of his life, “Just as a young man should.” One of Bucky’s neighbors said. Steve hoped they remembered that sentiment as he lugged his much larger, very drunk, best friend back to his apartment. 

“Dammit, Buck,” Steve said as his friend leaned against the wall of his apartment building, swaying from the amount of alcohol in his system. Steve cursed his smaller stature, he would have thrown Bucky into his room if he had been able. 

A chuckle escaped Bucky’s lips, “Dammit is right, Stevie.” He hiccuped. “Dammit, Barnes. Dammit, dammit, dammit.” 

Steve let a sigh escape his lips. He didn’t want to discount the feelings Bucky was having, but damn did he wish that his friend had a healthier way of dealing. “What’s going on Buck?”

“It’s her birthday, you know what I was going to do for her birthday?” Bucky asked, his hand going into his pocket. “I was going to give her this.” He pulled the black velvet box out. He opened it and Steve could see the diamond sparkling in the moonlight. “I was going to ask her to spend her life with me.” Tears started streaming from his eyes. A sob broke through his lips. 

Steve’s heart clenched as he watched his friend sink to the ground, cradling the engagement ring to his chest. Full bodied sobs echoing in the alley. Steve sat next to Bucky, remaining silent. 

“I’ll love her until I die, Stevie.” He said, his head resting against the wall as he stared up at the sky. “No one else will compare.” 

“I know, Buck, I know.” Steve said, he knew that Bucky meant every word he said. If only he could get him to say them to you. But he doubted that was possible. First off, you had been avoiding him. Second, he had heard you had a new beau. He hadn’t brought it upon himself to tell the man next to him just yet. He didn’t know if he could, he feared that if he did it would break his best friend. 

Bucky sighed and wiped the tears from his eyes, placing the ring in his pocket. “We can’t sleep out here.” He pulled himself up shakily, Steve quickly standing and throwing Bucky’s arm over his shoulders to give him something to lean on. Steve managed to help his friend into bed, Bucky rolled over and looked at Steve. “Do you think she loves me still?”

Steve paused, he had almost made it out the door. “I don’t know, Buck. You’d have to ask her.” 

A dry chuckle fell from Bucky’s lips, “Yeah.” Steve heard soft snores from his friend and made his exit, not before he heard your name fall from Bucky’s lips. 

A year had passed since the break up and Bucky was out on the town. He was feeling like no one could stop him, he was on top of the world. Confidence oozed from his pores as he walked down the street. Steve had been busy today, so Bucky decided to take a walk around the block. He waved at a few dames he came across, opened some doors, charmed an uptown girl. He stopped in his tracks when he rounded the corner and he came face to face with you. 

“Watch where you’re……going.” You snapped, slowing down when you saw who was in front of you. “James…..” 

“Y/N.” He said softly, before a grin fell across his face. “What are you doing in this neck of the woods?” 

You were taken aback by his smile, “You know I work here.” 

He glanced around, “I guess you do, I forgot. Been a while.” 

“It has.” You said softly, taking in the sight of the man in front of you. He seemed happy, or at least he wanted you to believe he was happy. But you knew better. _It’s not your responsibility anymore, you made sure of that._ You reminded yourself. 

“Well, it was nice seeing you. Take care.” He said, giving you a nod continuing on down the street. You could hear him whistling down the street. You felt a small pang in your chest as you watched his retreating form, a small part of you wishing that he would turn around, but he never did. 

As he walked away he felt his eyes stinging, but tears refused to fall. His heart felt like it was weeping. But he whistled as he walked, trying to distract himself from the tearing of the feeble repairs he had made to his broken heart. 

Two more years passed before you found each other again. You were at your favorite dance hall. It was packed with men in uniforms, looking for a dame to dance the night away with, before they were sent to war. You were more than happy to spin around the dance hall, it took your mind off of him. At least, it did until a man who reminded you of him took you out onto the floor. A flash of dark hair or grey eyes were enough for you to imagine you were in his arms again. You found yourself wondering if he was going to war, was he there already, was he alive? You stopped yourself, you couldn’t think about that right now. The man whose arms you were in didn’t need you staining his uniform with your tears over another. 

Bucky straightened the tie on his new uniform. It felt odd to him, standing in front of his mirror, looking at this version of himself. Sure, this was what he had wanted, but it still didn’t feel like him. He glanced down at the drawer in his dresser, the ring box still there. He opened the drawer and pulled the ring out of the box and tucking it into his breast pocket. He knew most of the boys took tokens of their girls with them. He didn’t have you anymore, but he could pretend, he thought as he placed his hand over the ring. 

“Buck, c’mon. I’m not getting any younger.” Steve called, “If we want to go dancing you need to get out of your room and stop staring at yourself. Damn narcissistic bastard.” 

“Comin’.” Bucky called to him as he made his way to the door, placing his hat upon his head. Time to dance the night away and pretend it was you in his arms. 

Steve and Bucky entered the dancehall, Steve quickly felt uneasy. Something in his bones made him want to flee. Bucky’s eyes swept the hall, looking for his target. He stopped when he saw you in the corner, alone against the wall. This couldn’t be right, there was no way you were here. He pinched his wrist, he wasn’t asleep. This wasn’t a dream, but did it feel like a dream to see you standing there. 

Steve followed Bucky’s eyes and realized why his best friend had frozen. “Bucky…” 

“I’m not going to go die without telling her I’m still in love with her.” Bucky cut Steve off, the ring in his pocket feeling heavy. 

Steve stepped in front of him, he may be smaller, but he was far superior in the stubbornness department, that was if you asked him. “Buck, think about this before you do something stupid.” 

“Steve,” Bucky began, looking down at his friend in front of him. “I might not come home. And damn it all, I’m going to tell her everything. It might not change anything, but I will go over there knowing that she knows.” He pushed aside his friend and made his way over to your corner. Your back was to him, intently watching the band. He removed his hat and put it in one hand. “Hello, doll.” 

You turned quickly, fearing that if you were too slow that voice, that man would disappear. But he remained behind you, nervously tapping his fingers on the hat in his hands. A smile came across your face. 

“Is there room on your dance card for me?” He asked sheepishly. 

“Always.” You answered, his eyes lighting up, he placed his hat on the table next to you and offered his hand. You took it in yours and allowed him to lead you onto the dance floor. His hand pulled yours to his shoulder, his other arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you close to him. You wrapped your empty arm around his neck. You felt his heartbeat pounding in his chest. You instinctively put your hand in his hair, massaging his scalp. 

You felt a warm puff of air on your cheek. “Doll….” He murmured low into your ear. Your knees grew weak and you were glad for the grip he held on your waist. 

“Darling. I’m so sorry.” You whispered. You could feel the tears falling from your eyes. He burrowed his face into your neck, breathing in your scent. “I’m so, so sorry.” 

He remained silent for a moment. You stiffened, wondering what he would do, how he would react. His hand at your waist moved in circles along the small of your back. “I’m sorry too.” 

You remained in each others embrace, lucky the band had chosen to do a slow set. “I still love you, doll. I always have.” Bucky stated abruptly, breaking the silence. “I had to tell you before I go. I don’t know what’s going to happen over there, but I needed you to know…” 

You cut him off by pulling away from his embrace, causing a panicked look to come across his face. You ignored this and pulled him closer to you, pressing your lips to his. The world around the two of you faded away as you deepened the kiss, his left hand remaining on your waist, his right threading itself in your hair. 

You broke apart for a moment to allow each other air before his lips crashed back into yours. You let out a small hum as he pressed even closer, you doubted that even air could be between the two of you. He pulled away, breathless and stared into your eyes. He didn’t press you for a response to his confessions, he didn’t ask for an explanation, he just stared into your eyes. 

Neither of you said a word, continuing to remain in each others arms for the rest of the night. Last call was announced and Bucky held his arm out to you. “Let me walk you home, just one last time.” 

You accepted the arm, noticing Steve out of the corner of your eye. A small smile was on his face. 

The walk home was quiet, but comfortable. You had so much you wanted to say, but no words fell from your lips. When you made it to your doorstep you turned to the man in front of you. When you had broken up a boy was in front you. Impulsive and headstrong. Here was a man. Here is the man you love. 

He glanced nervously between you and the door. Right now the only thought in your minds was the very really possibility that this would be the last time you saw each other. Your rational side begged you to think things through, but you threw caution to the wind. You could not send him to war without letting him know how you felt. 

“I’m still in love with you.” You blurted out, at the same time he said, “I love you.” 

You both chuckled. Bucky placed a hand on your cheek. “Some way, some how, I’m going to make it back to you, doll. I swear it.” 

You leant into his hand, “Don’t make promises you don’t know you can keep.” 

“Come hell or high water, I won’t spend anymore time away from you. I will not spend any more time pretending that I am not hopelessly in love with you.” He took his hand from his cheek and pulled out the ring. “I have carried this for years, holding onto the hope that I would give it to you. It is going to stay in my pocket until I get the chance to properly give it to you, when all this is over. I swear to you, that I will come back. I will marry you and will love you until my dying day.” 

You were stunned into silence, you didn’t know what to say, so you pulled him in for another kiss. This one more urgent than those on the dance floor. Bucky pulled away, you stared into his eyes, the grey seemed to be breaking away into pale blue, much like the sky after a storm. You could feel the weight of Bucky’s promise in the air, but you would worry about that when, if the time came. You threaded your fingers through his and opened your door, dragging the new soldier in behind you. “Stay with me.” You murmured. 

Bucky knew he could not refuse you, as you lead him to your bedroom. “Doll…..we don’t have to.” He started, stopping in the doorway. 

“Buck, please hold me tonight. Like you used to.” 

He nodded, stripping down to his undershirt and boxers as you changed from your dancing dress to a nightgown. Bucky pulled the covers back on your bed and burrowed under them, opening his arms for you to settle into. You placed your head on his chest as his arms wrapped around you. You felt his heartbeat begin to slow as gentle snores fell from his lips lulling you to sleep. You woke the next morning in his arms, his grip tightening before he was pulled from sleep. He placed a sleepy kiss to your forehead. “I have to go.” He murmured, tracing patterns on your back. 

“I know.” You answered, tears falling onto his chest. 

He shifted underneath you, and you knew this was your cue to move, you pulled yourself from his arms as he released you. He rolled from the bed and dressed himself in his uniform. When you were both dressed you stood at your door. 

“I love you.” You whispered, putting a hand over his heart. “Please come back to me.” 

He placed his hand on top of yours. “I promise.” He placed a gentle kiss to your lips before turning to the door and leaving. You watched his broad frame fade from view. Both of you oblivious to the fact that he would break his promise to come home to you. But neither of you ever broke your promise to love the other until your last breath. 


End file.
